It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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