Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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