Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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