i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Houston, we have a blender
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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