another moral hangover. fuck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
