She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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