perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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