just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
