No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
