Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
