my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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