Christians are straight up FREAKS
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
