I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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