Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
