I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She is in my trunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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