I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize