Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
