i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
