you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
