as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
