it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
