I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
