just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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