WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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