Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
