So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
