I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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