Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
