turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
