Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
