Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize