Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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