If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
