Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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