also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
