my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
