I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize