once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
