I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
operation have a gay friend backfired
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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