I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
