THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
