did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
