im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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