and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
