wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
