If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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