im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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