How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize