I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
