Sponge bath it is.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize