i may or may not be watching the land before time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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