Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize