just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
