i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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