This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
