that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
