Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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