youre lurking in front of me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
