Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
