i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The power of my boobs compel you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
