i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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