So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
