Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize