tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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