ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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