I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
