hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Boobs are out for the taking
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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