I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think i got beer on your cat.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
