I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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