Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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