How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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