What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
