first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
