How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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