my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I want is dick and wine.
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