Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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