Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
pray to the hookup gods
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
