i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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