I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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