Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
