apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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