question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
