Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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