I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
