I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
