I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
