Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
