Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
