i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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