Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
