Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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