I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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