i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
