We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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