You just made me feel so damn special
i permit you to call me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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