Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
