I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
