so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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