you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize