I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
