I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
