I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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