I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
