I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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