I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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