So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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