If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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