I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize