i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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