got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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