I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
