Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
