Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
