his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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