Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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