If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
