how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
