I will die if light touches me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize