I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
