my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
