Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
