my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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