I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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