the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
