how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
