yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize